Classifieds

I want to buy a pair of pants to wear with all my clothes
I need a pair that's comfortable that rarely ever shows.
I'd like them to be pretty, I'd prefer if they were white,
So that I can wear them through the day and through the night.

I don't want to have a handkercheif that covers half my bum,
But I don't want them to be too big so I look like a Mum!
I'd prefer them to be made from either cotton, silk or satin,
I'd like it if they flattered me; A pair to not-look-fat-in!

I really shall not bore you with my pants, so I'll be brief;
Once I have a brand new pair it will be such a relief!
So please reader, I ask you, if you have some size 8 pants,
Please send them in the 1st class post to Newbury, Nr. Hants!

P.s Need I remind you of my fear of the unclean;
When I receive your tanga briefs they must be quite pristine,
I will return to sender if they are anything but new,
I hope that you will understand; I hate the sight of ... erm ... dirt.