Pet Hates

What follows is a list of
Habits that offend the ears
They are a few pet hates of mine
That developed through the years:

I'd like to start with something
which, I'm sure you will agree
Shows off the ignoramus
To the very top degree ...

"Haitch" cannot be standed!
"Haitch" is not a word!
"Haitch" just makes my skin crawl
Every time it's heard!

Next we have the anaphors,
Reflexive through and through ...
"Myself" needs a "me" or "I",
"Yourself" requires a "you".

Glottal stops instead of "T"
I think should just be barred;
"Water", "shorter", "better", "wetter"
Is it really quite this hard?

"Who" is for the subject
Of the sentence you last said,
"Whom" is for the object,
Not just to sound learned

Don't even get me started on
The use of apostrophes ....
That is better left until
My rant on orthography

But worst of all are linguists,
Who try to maintain these rules
Which were thrown out of the window,
Leaving but well-spoken fools!